Today was a totally hectic day at work and I was buried in STUFF! I started my car 3 times intending to get over to Administration and then to Student Services; however, it just never happened. Each and every time I thought I was going to make it out the door, another student came in and I ended up back in my office. BUT all day long I kept thinking about one thing, I was going to my moms to celebrate Christmas girly style. It was going to be just she and I! I couldn't wait to sit in our jammies, eat pizza, watch movies, and I was super excited for her to open her gifts from me.
FINALLY, the day was over and I was able to escape the college. I texted mom and let her know that I was on my way. We decided that we needed to pop over to my grandma's first so I could drop of her Christmas gift too. I always love a visit with grandma and that seemed like a great way to begin our evening. Mom was looking forward to getting back home, so we collaborated and decided it would be a quick trip. Weirdly enough though, grandma did NOT get the quick trip memo and the stop took much longer than anticipated. BUT some cool things happened in those moments that can never be recaptured, and personally, I am extremely glad I was there!
My grandma had a special gift for my mom . . . a watch. This was not just any watch, but one that I vividly remember my grandfather giving my grandma. It had little diamonds all the way around the face of the watch face and my mom's eyes filled with tears. Grandma told the story about how grandpa had told all of the kids that they better not tell grandma that he had bought her a watch; grandma was standing there as grandpa spilled the beans! We laughed at grandpa and I remembered the day fondly.
My mom was touched by the gift, hugged her mom, and said a choked thank you. Then my grandma said the sweetest words to my mom, "You are the best part of my life dear." And I got all choked up and the tears welled in my eyes and then they trickled down my cheeks. It was such a tender moment . . . a mother of 92 sharing a heartfelt thought that was more precious than any gift could every hope to be. I was so blessed to hear the words from my grandma's mouth, but also to see the reaction as I know my grandma is sometimes a handful for my own mother. I will treasure this moment in time . . . the connection between mothers and daughters is a true gift.
We ended up staying for pizza with grandma, not in our plans, but it was in hers. Grandma is lonely and I can only imagine that she loves to have company. I laughed as she struggled with the remote control and grumbled about technology. I showed her how to use the remote which she assured me has never worked before, but ironically it did tonight. We ate pizza, drank coffee, had cupcakes, and shared a memory or ten. Someday when she is gone from this world, I will be thankful for those extra moments to see what they shared. I know that grandma would give her life for mom, and mom would give her life for her mother. Sigh . . .
After our visit we headed home. Home feels so different without dad here, but in a way, we just try and get past that. Most of the things from my childhood memories have been packed up and now reside with the woman who will be my dad's wife soon. It makes me feel so sad and lost sometimes, but all we can do is try and remember that "this too will pass," probably like a kidney stone, painful and difficult, with moments of peace, and then more pain, but it will eventually pass and some of the pain will subside.
We got on our jammies and cuddled in to share gifts. The gifts showed that we listened to one another amidst our own pain. I needed a turkey baster and an electric knife at Thanksgiving and mom got me one. She even got me a bottle of wine and I KNOW how much she hates the liquor store! FUNNY! I got her two pictures for her wall with sayings that have offered her comfort through the past few months. The first is one I love, "Be still and know that I am God." How often do I too just have to stop and be quiet and still. It offers great comfort to both of us. The second, was the 23rd Psalm. It too has been a place of refuge for mom. She cried, and as the tears streamed down her face, I knew that another mother and daughter had connected. I would give my life for my mom, and my mom would give hers for me. Sigh . . .
Tonight ended with laughter as we watched Four Christmases. It was a perfect topper to the perfect gift of a night. And tonight as I cuddle into a bed in my old room, I will cherish the memories of mothers and daughters who are forever connected by love . . . and the greatest of these IS love . . .
Sarah Day 26
Jesse and I woke up early this morning knowing that we had a lot to do before we could make the drive from Fargo back home to Thief River this afternoon. We had some errands to run, the house needed to be picked up, and the cats needed to fed. Of course the worst part of leaving Fargo was knowing the kitties were going to be alone for the the next three days. In fact, it's almost torture for me to leave them for that long without anyone to check on them. Luckily, they have plenty of food and water, as well as the cat music to keep them company. Yup, I said cat music. It's called "Mood Music for Cats and Cat lovers" and my babies love it! I don't mind it either . . . it's very soothing and makes for some awesome cuddle sessions. =)
When we made it to TRF, Jesse dropped me off at my dad's for a while so dad and I could chat a bit. Dad told me around Thanksgiving that he wasn't going to set up a Christmas tree this year. I wasn't thrilled when he told me that, because in my 24 years I have ALWAYS seen a Christmas tree at the house. Unfortunately, I just didn't have the time to get home ahead of time to set it up myself. When I walked through the front door, I was SUPER excited to see a Christmas tree in the living room! It wasn't a normal sized tree. In fact, it was my miniature Christmas tree that has been tucked away for years. I used to set it up in my room when I was younger and I completely forgot it was still around. Dad knows how much Christmas means to me, and seeing that little tree in the living room with presents underneath it was one of the highlights of my year.
A few hours later, Jesse picked me up again and we made our way out to his dads house. Jesse has several half and step-siblings, so tonight was celebrated with most of them as well as his dad and step-mom. It was a such a nice relaxing evening. We spent our time eating, sipping a little wine, opening gifts, and catching up on life. We usually don't have a chance for all of us to get together more than once or maybe twice a year, so it's important to advantage of the time when we can. Even if that only means a few hours. It was really fun to see everyone and finally spend some time together.
When Jesse and I took off for him to bring me back to town so I could get home, we had some good conversation about how the night went. I met Jesse's step-brother's (Adam) girlfriend and he asked me what I thought about her. She was extremely nice and very outgoing. I think she compliments Adam's personality really well and she fit right in with gang. Adam also bought a house recently, so he and Molly showed me pictures of their home. They also invited Jesse and I over there for supper sometime soon and we're looking forward to that!
I told Jesse tonight that my expectations for this Christmas this year have been really low. But today, I realized that Christmas is probably going to far surpass all my expectations. I LOVED that my dad thought of me enough to take out that miniature tree that's been tucked away for so long, and place it where our normal tree would usually stand. Seeing that gave me my first case of "the warm fuzzies" this holiday season. My second case of the warm fuzzies happened at Jesse's dad's. There wasn't one particular moment, but I just felt happy and at ease. They're all so funny and the laughs we shared were just what I needed to start off our first Christmas (of six) that Jesse and I are celebrating this year.
After my day today, I have confidence that this Christmas is going to be filled with lots of love, great conversation, good food and awesome people. I'm going to cherish the short time that we all have to spend together because these times do not come around enough. There is nothing more precious then being around so many family members in such a short period of time. I'm hopeful that this season, that "hot chocolate for the soul" feeling will come back to me for the first time in years and I'm going to drink it all in!
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