Sheila and Sarah Day 21

Sheila Day 21: The Gift of Time

A couple of days ago, Cal's auntie Linda, who is a very dear friend, called me and wondered maybe, just maybe I could squeeze out a little time to swing by Fertile, look at the Christian Racing Merchandise, have a little supper, and just visit.  I have to admit that the whole divorce thing has been exceedingly difficult for both of us because one of the things that I really wanted to "get" in the divorce was her!  However, this is really hard as family events really need to allow Cal into that space and I have to recognize that I am not part of that equation . . . sigh . . .

I have spent 27 years of Christmases, Thanksgivings, Easters, birthdays, 4th of July's and most everything in between with Linda and her family.  She has wiped my kid's tears and she has wiped mine. She has been there for me throughout all of my married life, and dang the tears are coming again, she has been there for me through my divorce.  I know without a doubt how very much she loves and supports me.  I divorced Cal, but not her and her family (Miranda Mae, I hope you read this because that means you too).

The holidays are often reminders of what has been lost, and I think that Linda and I are feeling that.  This was one the first Thanksgiving that I did not spend with Auntie and her family.  It was painful and difficult, but unfortunately it is the reality of the situation.  We probably all struggled with that change on some level, but probably nobody more than Linda and I.  My emotions are so raw that even if Cal hadn't participated in the festivities, I would not have been able to handle being there in a functional manner.

Soooooooo, tonight, do you know what I saw?  I saw Auntie Linda, my friend, and my family.  The time we spent was such a gift and a blessing.  We sat and chatted around her kitchen table like we have done hundreds and hundreds of time before.  We talk on the phone often, but it feels so good to just bask in the warmth of her friendship and the spirit of Christmas in her home.  There is Christmas everywhere with numerous trees decorated differently.  There are beautiful angels, antiques, and all kinds of little homey things that just make you feel warm and fuzzy.  This visit will carry me through the next week, and when things just don't feel quite normal, I will remember Auntie and the time we got to share, just she and I, and treasure the gift of time . . .

Red Lake Falls is on my way home.  I was tired and I knew I needed to blog when I got home so I was just going to drive straight through and not stop at moms.  However, I just kept thinking that I needed to stop and pop in for a quick visit.  It was getting late, maybe I could squeeze in a half an hour or so, well probably I could.  Yes, I could, I would, and I made a call to see if she was still up and if she felt like a chat.  OF COURSE and she put on the coffee.  When I came in, mom was in her jammies, but she bopped down the stairs and hugged me with a smile.  We went up and got our coffee, I got the "Embrace Change" coffee cup and laughed.  It is a thick mug, gold, and actually the kind of cup that makes you want to grab a blanky and snuggle in a chair while you sit and chat.  And minus the blanky, that is exactly what we did.

Mom had a rough day today and we chatted about the Christmas card she received that had left her feeling kinda empty.  We talked about how some days are painful and difficult while others are much easier.  We talked about the challenges of dealing with the changes we DID NOT want to EMBRACE. We talked about Christmas plans, the kiddos, and life.  We talked about the ups and downs of life.  And then she mentioned that today was 13 years since her brother committed suicide.  Honestly, I did not remember that.  She talked about how she will never, ever forget that moment in time.  I also remember it vividly as suicide is extremely difficult for families to deal with, and on some level, they are never quite the same.  It is so hard for people to try and understand that which has no answers.  Families often think that their loved one would never do that . . . they couldn't . . . it goes against everything that we fight for . . . life . . . who knew that one little stop could bring so much?

I planned on going to Linda's to spend a bit of time; however, I did not plan on stopping at moms.  Listen to your hearts when God tugs at your heart and mind . . .  listen when someone's name comes into your mind, because maybe, just maybe, that "gift of time" might be more precious than you ever could have imagined.

 

Sarah Day 21

While I was at work this morning, I got a text from my dad. He was asking what color paint I thought he should paint the laundry room. For the last several months, dad has been trying to make some repairs and improvements to house. He started with painting the bedrooms, then he made a few changes to the upstairs bathroom, then finally, a few weeks ago, he started working on the laundry room. The laundry room has needed to be done remodeled forever, but we all knew it was going to be a huge task.

I was excited when dad said that he started making changes to the laundry room. I knew it was going to be something to take his mind off of work, the divorce, and the quiet empty house. Unfortunately, I also knew that this project was going to drive him completely crazy, which it has. The floors were a mess, along with the walls that were never constructed properly. He had to put paneling on the ceiling so the wood pillars and pipes weren't exposed. Plus he had to put in a brand new shower. Although I would've liked to be around the house for moral support while dad has been working on the laundry room, I'm glad I wasn't. "Confounded" and "dagnabbit" are dad's favorite terms to use when he's annoyed with a project and I find his frustration quite entertaining! My laughing may or may not help to lighten his mood.

After I texted back and fourth with dad about possible paint colors for the laundry room, he called me and said that he was thinking about coming to Fargo for the day. He asked if I could get off of work a little early so I could meet up with him and hang out for a while. Dad has only been to Fargo once to visit since I moved here, so I knew that I could rearrange my day a bit to squeeze in some father-daughter bonding.

I finished work around 3:00, so dad and I met at Home Depot . . . my favorite place!! Not. But I was excited to see him, and I like to help pick out the colors for the house so it wasn't too bad. We decided to go with a really pretty light shade of blue. The laundry room doesn't let in much light, so we needed to choose a color that would brighten the place up.

After Home Depot, I left for a quick appointment, and then we met up again at Granite City, which is a family favorite. Dad, mom, Jordan and I are all Granite City fans. Their Sunday brunch is especially delicious! But this time, he and I just shared a few appetizers and we each had a drink. It was nice to have a chance to chit-chat a little and catch up on life.

When we finished eating, we made our way to the mall, Kohls, and Bed Bath and Beyond for a few items. We found a shower curtain, rugs, and some towels to go in the laundry room. Dad also found some other things that he wanted for the house, along with a couple toys for the kitties. He rarely leaves a shopping trip without something for the cats! Thanks to me usually.

Today, I am SO extremely grateful for my daddy and for the gift of time. I'm thankful that he took the time out of his day to come and see me . . . he was supposed to work until 3:00 today. My life has been so busy lately that I haven't had a chance to get home much, and I rarely have time for others to come here and spend time with me. I hate that schedules never seem to align around my family, especially when we could really use that quality time together. That's why days like today are so precious to me, and to all daughters. Us girls need to cherish days like today . . . they don't come around often and for some, they don't come around at all. Not every girl has a daddy as wonderful as mine. I am lucky!